A Help in Marriage

Recently I saw a quote that took me aback in describing the first woman in the Bible. This author focused on the Hebrew word ezer, which is translated, help. She states, “The word Ezer has two roots: strong and benevolent. The best translation of Ezer is: Warrior. God created woman as a warrior.” Let me say that my wife, Melodee, is not a warrior, but a helper in the biblical sense of the word.

The word, ezer, used both as a verb and a noun, mean help, succour (BDB, p. 740). The word is primarily used in the OT with respect to God helping in some manner. It is often used in the context of God helping His people militarily. It should be noted that the context tells us this, not the word itself.

To understand how the word ezer is used in a husband-and-wife relationship, it must be seen in the context of how this word is used concerning our first parents, Adam and Eve. This is found in Genesis 2: 18, 20. It is here where we read about the creation of Eve as a response by God to Adam’s loneliness. In other words, after Adam named all of the animals he realized there was not anyone like him. It was at this point that God fashioned a woman out of a rib He had taken from the man (vs. 20).

In verses 18 and 20, the exact same phrase is used to describe the woman that Adam longed for, “…a helper suitable for him.” This phrase describes the kind of helper that God created for Adam. She was a helper “qualified” for him. This gives us an insight into the type of relationship God created between Adam and Eve. This same type of relationship applies to our marriages today.

The Hebrew word used in verses 18 and 20 to describe the kind of helper God created is kanegdow. This word is from the word keneg, which means, what is conspicuous or in front. Kenegdow has a preposition included on the end of the word to expand the meaning. It means to what is in front of = corresponding. This is the Hebrew word that was placed on the cover of our wedding bulletin. On the inside of the bulletin I described what the word means. “In one lexicon it says, “a help corresponding to him [Adam] i.e., equal and adequate to himself.” [BDB, p. 617]. This word explains the purpose and beauty of marriage. God saw a deep and profound need in man which could only be fulfilled by providing a helper corresponding to him. This helper was not created exactly like him, but was made to complement him. In other words, they fitted together exactly and formed a complete unit.”

Every man and women in a marriage relationship will complement one another differently. As their marriage grows over the years, they will complement one another more deeply. Melodee and I have experienced this over 45 years of marriage, as of today. This complementary relationship has morphed over the years as we have changed, but it has not changed the fact that Melodee is a “helper suitable” for me.