Finding Love God's Way

After pondering, praying and seeking counsel, Melodee responded to my question. She said, “Yes” to spending intentional time together. We now began to plan how to spend this time together and seek God’s will whether marriage was part of His plan for us. I would not call this phase of our relationship dating. It would more accurately be defined as courting. We were moving beyond being just friends. We were determining if we would be life partners. As you might guess, the nature of our conversations was more significant than just getting better acquainted.  As we said to others, our conversations went well beyond asking each other what our favorite colors were.

     The first weekend we spent together was Halloween weekend. On Friday evening, Melodee’s housemates had planned a Halloween party and I was invited. I was not much for Halloween, therefore, I did not come in any costume. Melodee was dressed in a striped outfit as a jail prisoner. She even had one of her front teeth blacked out which I found a little disconcerting. What had I gotten myself into? While at the party, I spent a fair amount of time talking with Melodee’s sister, Lori, about her life story.

     Fortunately, the next day Melodee was back to normal, including her normal smile. Our plan was to make a trip to Chicago for two reasons, to return her young niece back home (who lived in the Chicago area) and to visit the Art Institute of Chicago. The purpose of the Art Institute visit was to take pictures of art works which represented various worldviews. This was for a Sunday School class I was leading.

     The next weekend we spent together in the West Lafayette area. This included attending an Indian dinner sponsored by the Indian Student Association at Purdue University. We were invited to the dinner by one of Melodee’s roommates who was a PhD student from India. Melodee dressed in a sari for the occasion and her appearance outshined me. Dallas, 2 ½ years old, went with us to the dinner and he created a vivid memory of the evening. This was the first time he had eaten Indian food and the spices used in the dishes caught him by surprise. That first bite of something that looked tasty created an immediate reaction. He grabbed his napkin and began wiping his tongue trying to remove the hot spice. He finally drank some water and the heat dissipated from his mouth. To say the least, he was more guarded in what he put in his mouth for the rest of the dinner.

     During this weekend, I had the opportunity to meet Melodee’s parents. They lived on the family farm, about 35 minutes north of West Lafayette. I did not have much opportunity to talk with Melodee’s father since he was busy with farm chores. I did tell him that I was spending time with his daughter and had an interest in her. I didn’t get much of a response from him, but neither did I get a negative response, so I considered that a win.

     The next weekend, November 15-16, Melodee made a trip to Winona Lake to visit me. She did not come directly from West Lafayette because she had spent the week attending the Institute in Basic Youth Conflicts led by Bill Gothard. This involved driving back and forth each night to Indianapolis where the week-long conference was held.  She arrived for the weekend on Saturday and was fairly tired from the long days going to work and then attending the conference. During our time together, Melodee shared with me about a period in her life when she was not walking with the Lord and different events that had transpired. She wanted to make sure we had our lives honestly out on the table. I really appreciated her trusting this with me and I believe it drew us closer together.

     The next day, we attended my church, Bethany Bible Chapel, together and I had the opportunity to introduce her to friends who had not yet met her. Afterward, one of the ladies (Anna) of the church had an insightful comment for me. She observed a big contrast in the way I dressed and the way Melodee dressed. Anna commented that Melodee was too good for me. I readily agreed with that comment. I was blessed to be spending time with such a beautiful woman.

     That Sunday evening, Melodee drove back to West Lafayette. She was over tired from her week at the conference and when she was about 20 minutes from home, she fell asleep at the wheel of the car. The car left the road, whipping through brush. She snapped awake and over corrected by sharply braking. The car did a 180° turn into the opposite lane. Shaking, she recovered and continued the drive. Recognizing God’s hand in protecting and preserving her life, she instantly cried out to the Lord, “My life is Yours, I will walk in Your will for me.”

     It was increasingly evident during the following week that Melodee and I were meant to be together.  During the week, I talked with all of the elders about this. I expected them to say, “wait”, and take more time to develop the relationship. Instead, they each gave me the “green light”. Melodee was planning to visit me in Winona Lake during the coming weekend. My plan was to propose to her while she was there.

     As the weekend approached, my plans took a dramatic turn--Melodee called and informed me that she was under the weather with a bad cold. She wasn’t up to the drive and could not come for the weekend. Not to be thwarted, I determined to travel to West Lafayette and propose to her. The window for doing this very tight. I could not leave until I got off work on Friday and I had to be back for work on Saturday. I had only Friday evening to do this.  I made arrangements for Dallas to stay in Winona Lake, I picked up a dozen roses and I headed down to West Lafayette. It was a complete and total surprise to Melodee since I did not communicate my intentions.

     As I was driving down to see Melodee, I had resolved in my mind that she will be so caught off guard by my proposal that she will surely need time to think and pray about it before she gives me an answer. I showed up at her front door and, yes, she was surprised. I presented to her the roses with a card which said, “I Love You”.  This was the first time I had expressed this to her. After she accepted my gesture, I moved the conversation forward by asking her if she would marry me. Much to my surprise, she said, “Yes!” To say the least, I was very excited by her response. Even more amazing was that she realized I was “the one” the previous weekend. It took me a little longer to figure this out.  We had spent three weekends together and now we are engaged! I could not stay too long because I had a two-hour drive ahead of me and had get to bed for work the next day.

     With the Thanksgiving holiday coming the following week, I had my opportunity to talk with Melodee’s father and get his permission to marry his daughter. Having received affirmations from the elders of our churches and from Melodee, I was confident he would grant his permission.

     This was an amazing and whirlwind period of time for Melodee and I. I broached the topic with Melodee in mid-October of spending time together to determine God’s will for marriage. And on November 21, I ask Melodee to marry me. God operated quickly and decisively through this whole process. He not only affirmed this decision to marry in our hearts, but also affirmed it through our spiritual leaders. Perhaps we could look back later and say we were too hasty to get married, but we did not make this decision lightly or on our own. We had the support of our elders who were our spiritual leaders. We knew they cared for us and wanted God’s best for us.

     As you might guess, since the courting process went so fast, you would expect that we did not waste any time getting married. Well, we had to get past the Christmas holidays, but we did get married on a cold, snowy day in West Lafayette, Indiana on January 17, 1981.