God Brings People Together

     It had been about three weeks since my wife, Barb, of three and one-half years of marriage had passed away. Even though she was dealing with a losing battle with melanoma, it was still a surprise she entered into eternity so soon. It was God’s timing and I accepted it with Romans 8:28 firmly planted in my mind and heart. Now, my son Dallas, who was 22-months-old, and I were getting on a plane to fly from California to Indiana. The purpose of this trip was to get away for a month and visit church friends from my days in seminary in Indiana and also see family in western Pennsylvania. One of the stops on this trip was West Lafayette, IN to visit a good friend from seminary who was an elder at a church which was ministering on the Purdue University campus.

     Ken and his wife, Judi, invited Dallas and I to stay at their place during our time in West Lafayette. We arrived on a Sunday afternoon after spending some time with our church in Winona Lake, IN. This trip was in February 1980 and there plenty of snow on the ground. After being greeted by Ken and Judi at the front door, the next thing I noticed was a young lady lying on their living room floor. I was introduced to her. Her name was Melodee Lehe. She was lying on the floor because she had just returned from tobogganing with friends at a local park.  Her neck was hurting from the last run down the hill. On this run they collided with a wooden post and crashed. Ouch!

     Melodee was living with Ken and Judi to be discipled by them. Several months earlier she had ended a relationship with her fiancé and more importantly she had renewed her relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. She was now walking on the path of righteousness.  

      During my stay at Ken and Judi’s, I was able to get acquainted with Melodee. There were two impressions she made on me during that initial contact. (1) I could see she had a heart to serve Christ. I saw this by our conversations together and the practical ways she served the church. (2) I could see she had a heart for kids. This was evident when she came home one evening with a pair of gloves and hat for Dallas. Don’t forget, we came from California to Indiana in the winter and this was Dallas’s first experience with cold weather. Being a “diligent” father, I forgot to get gloves and a hat for Dallas. Melodee noticed and took it upon herself to get these items for him. I was surprised and greatly appreciative of this kind act on her part.

     With our month of travel over, we were ready to head back to California. Before we left, Wayne, one of the elders at the church in Winona Lake, and his wife, Elaine, extended an invitation for Dallas and I to come live with them. They had a large home and they had been using it to have single fellows live with them for discipleship. The added advantage for Dallas and I was Elaine’s offer to help in the care of Dallas while I was at work.

     The decision was made--Dallas and I would move back to Indiana. After wrapping up things in California, we made the drive east in June. I created a bed on top of our stuff in the back seat of the car for Dallas to sleep on and make it comfortable for him. Imagine doing that today. It was a much different situation in 1980 than today. We arrived in Winona Lake without incident, got settled in a room we were sharing, and began this new phase of our life.

     I heard after Dallas and I were settled in, that some of the ladies of the church had ideas who would be a good match for this young widower. In one instance, a nurse who was fellowshipping with the church in West Lafayette volunteered to move to Winona Lake and be a nanny to help take care of Dallas. Admittedly, the idea intrigued me, but seeking counsel from Wayne and Elaine, they were not too excited about the idea.

      During the summer there were times I would seek the Lord about marrying again. On one particular occasion, I reflected on 1 Corinthians 7: 8, “But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain as I” (NASB). Paul is encouraging the unmarried and widow (and widowers) to consider remaining unmarried. The unmarried does not have his concerns divided between the Lord and his wife (vss. 32-33). God had allowed me to be single again. Perhaps He was wanting me to stay single in order to serve Him more wholeheartedly. I prayed about this and got an answer within a split second. NO! It was clear that I needed/wanted to be married for two reasons, (1) I really enjoyed being married. God had provided me with a wonderful wife and I wanted to experience that joy again. (2) Dallas needed a mother. I realized that I could not be a mother and a father at the same time. I was built to be a father.

     On other occasions I would seek the Lord to determine if I was ready to seek another wife. I wanted to make sure that the mourning process was over to avoid pursuing someone “on the rebound.” I did not want to marry another Barb and impose that on someone. I would ask the Lord if this was the right time and the answer would come in the form of crying on my part. I knew I was not ready. Then in mid-September, I asked the Lord again if this was the right time and I did not break down in tears. I knew I had the freedom now to go forward.

     After much prayer and consideration, it seemed to me that Melodee would be the person I would like to spend the rest of my life with. There were several reasons it seemed evident Melodee was the right person. I will only highlight two reasons. (1) I had more opportunities to see Melodee when Dallas and I moved back, and I got to see her around kids, especially her nieces and nephew. It was clear from her interactions with them that she loved kids. This was very important because she would not only be a wife, she would also be a mother of a two-year-old boy. (2) Prior to revealing my interest in Melodee, the leaders of the church in West Lafayette spoke highly of Melodee’s mother. This struck a chord with me from my days in Latin class at Virginia Tech. My Latin professor talked about the time he was interested in a young lady until he met her mother. After meeting her, he ran in the other direction, because he knew this young lady would someday be like her mother. I had not met Melodee’s mother, but I thought it was quite an endorsement for Melodee. As it turned out, Melodee’s mother, Grace, was a fantastic, godly woman. Just ask anyone who knew her.

     While I thought that Melodee may be the one, I was not ready to pursue this on my own. Both Melodee and I had wonderful leaders at the churches we attended and the leaders knew each of us well. I wanted their feedback and blessing before I went forward. If the leaders would have cautioned me or expressed this was not a good fit, I would have stopped any pursuit. One of my big fears was relying upon my own insights which could be clouded by my emotions and the desire to remarry.

     This process began on October 4^th with a wedding I attended in Muncie, IN. At the wedding were Ken and Judi from West Lafayette and this was the opportunity to broach the subject with them. I asked Ken if there would be an opportunity to talk with him about Melodee and possibly pursuing a relationship with her. As soon as those words came out my mouth, Judi piped up, “I knew it! I knew you and Melodee would get together.” How about that for an initial confirmation. In summary, I talked with the leaders in Winona Lake and West Lafayette, and they gave me the green light to go forward. I even talked to Melodee’s older sister, Carol, to reinforce the decision.

     NOW, it was time to talk with Melodee. I set up the time for a Sunday afternoon to drive down to West Lafayette to speak with her. I did not reveal to her my reason for wanting to meet; therefore, I left Melodee wondering what this was about. I later learned she thought I was coming to rebuke her about something!

     When I arrived, Melodee told me she had only an hour to meet because she was having a Bible study (with a guy who had an interest in her.) I did not waste much time getting to the point of this meeting. I explained to her my desire to spend time with her to determine if it was God’s will for us to get married. I can only imagine the shock inside of her when she heard these words. I explained to her that if this was not God’s will, then the outcome would be simply knowing each other better as friends. During the conversation, Melodee asked an interesting question, “How do you know if this is the right person?” My response was profound, but true. “You just know.” It seemed like the time flew by and I viewed that as a positive because we went past the time Melodee said she would have to leave. A few minutes later, the phone rang. It was the “other guy” checking to see if Melodee was coming!

     One of the last things I said to Melodee before I left was to consider what I have proposed and pray about it. I also encouraged her to talk with her church leaders about this idea. And for an extra measure, I encouraged her to talk with her sister. You are thinking, and it is true, I had all of the bases covered.

     Melodee did get back with me and her answer was…….

ASIDE: At the beginning of the wedding, I mentioned above, the church elder who led the ceremony asked all of the attendees to hold out both arms. He then told us to take our right hand and pinch our left arm. After pinching our arms, he said, “Yes, this [the wedding] is really taking place.”  We all got a good laugh out of it, but it made an impression that has stayed with me to this day. Strangely enough, I remember this almost every time I take communion. We pinched ourselves at the wedding to remind us this is really taking place. I mentally “pinch” myself during communion to remind me of the reality of Jesus’s death on the cross. It was a real event with a real body hanging on the cross and real blood shed for my sins. We must never romanticize or fantasize the cross, but embrace its reality.