God Turns Mourning Into Dancing-Rom. 8: 28 at Work

     It was January 11,1980 and little did I know that in 24 hours my wife, Barb, would be entering into eternity. She was dealing with metastasized melanoma.  A few months earlier, physicians at the UCLA Medical Center had told us that when melanoma metastasizes, there is nothing that can be done. With that in mind, we moved in with Barb’s parents and tried non-traditional treatments to arrest the spread of this cancer. Her parents were so wonderful to take us in and help in the coordination of this treatment which included drinking fresh calf’s liver juice. It doesn’t sound too pleasant to drink even when it is mixed with apple juice, but Barb did whatever it took and without complaint. It is amazing to me that a 26-year-old mother of a 22-month-old son was so much at peace with her situation. This was indicative of the secure faith she had in her Savior, Jesus Christ.

     During the afternoon of January 11, Barb’s condition took an unusual turn; she fell into a coma. We were not sure what to do, but we decided to wait until the next morning and if her condition did not change, I would take her to the hospital. Perhaps because of naivety on my part, I was not concerned about her condition. I was told that cancer patients would typically go through a period of intense pain before succumbing to the cancer. A few days before, I had watched a television show which dramatized a woman going through the agony of her last days with cancer. Barb had not experienced that kind of pain at all. Her pain was easily addressed with a local application of Aspercreme.

     The next morning, January 12, Barb’s condition had not changed. It was time to take her to the hospital. Again, I was not concerned. I figured she would be in the hospital for a short period of time, recover from the coma, come home and we would continue with her treatments. She was taken through the emergency room and wheeled to a room where I was with her alone in the room. After a short while, perhaps 20 minutes, I looked at her and could not see her breathing. I put my finger under her nose and did not feel any breath. In my mind I thought she was still alive. Right after this, a nurse arrived and I told her what I had observed. She immediately called in a couple other staff people and pulled the curtain around the bed leaving me sitting outside the curtain. At this point, I was expecting a code blue with the resuscitation equipment rolling in to revive her. There was no code blue. They opened the curtains and told me she had passed away.

     This was totally unexpected on my part. Within an hour of arriving at the hospital, Barbara Jo Staggers had entered into eternity. I am so glad I was able to witness this take place. It was like watching a machine turn off. One moment she was breathing; the next moment it stopped. It was a peaceful passing. I can only imagine Barb knew what was happening and she decided she was ready to be with her Savior. I was also glad that she passed away in the hospital rather than at home. I believe there would have been some regrets on my part that we had not done enough, if she had passed at home.

     When the news was given to me, a nurse escorted me to the chapel which was down the hall. While going to the chapel I started to cry uncontrollably. Literally, I could not stop crying even while asking myself why am I crying so uncontrollably. During this outpouring of emotion, I tried to tell the nurse that I knew Barb was with the Lord. This whole experience was so strange to me because fifteen years prior to this, my grandfather had passed away and I felt guilty for not being able to cry at his funeral. In fact, I tried to stir up tears to no avail.

     Now funeral arrangements had to be made with the funeral scheduled for January 15. During this time, I learned two related spiritual lessons. The first lesson I learned was personalizing Romans 8: 28, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good, to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (NASB). I knew that God loved Barb and loved me and He had called us to be His children through Jesus Christ. Therefore, what had happened was for good. What I learned was my definition of good may not coincide with God’s definition of good. Also, I may not experience “the good” immediately, but it may come later as the “all things” are being worked out. This became a faith proposition which gave me comfort knowing God was working out His will for my life.

     The second lesson I learned was to accept God’s will without qualification. During those two days between Barb’s passing and the funeral, I was spending time negotiating with God. The negotiation involved God giving me something in return for her death. It was like God owed me for taking her away from me. Does this sound foolish to negotiate with God, particularly when we consider all the blessings He has given us? Of course, it is foolish and fortunately I came to that realization. I came to the point during that two-day period where I humbled myself and submitted myself to His will. I was able to say to God that you owe me nothing--she is with you now. This brought peace to my soul in whole heartedly releasing her to our Heavenly Father.

     The funeral went well and by God’s grace I was able to give the message. I look back on that and I am not sure how I was able to do it. One thing for sure, the gospel was proclaimed during the funeral. Our son Dallas did well during this time. I’m not sure how much he comprehended what had happened, but during the last part of Barb’s illness, I took on more of the responsibility of caring for him.  I think this transition in responsibility helped him and strengthened our bond as a father and son.

     A few weeks later, amazing news came my way. My younger brother, Bruce, accepted Jesus as his personal Savior! As we talked about it, he explained that his decision for Christ came as a result of Barb’s death. Her death caused him to face the reality of his own mortality and led him to making this eternal decision. When I heard this news, I reflected back on the negotiations I had with God before the funeral. I had released Barb to the Lord without any preconditions. Now God blessed me immensely with my brother coming to Jesus Christ as a result of her death. One person entered into the presence of the Lord and another entered into the family of God. What an amazing and gracious God we serve.

     In order for this amazing story to have this ending, God was orchestrating events in my brother’s life to bring him to the point of recognizing his need for a Savior. The following is Bruce’s story describing the events in his life that led him to Jesus Christ.

     The first part of my salvation story begins with the Lord preparing my heart leading up to Barbara’s death. When I had opportunities to visit Barb, as she was dealing with the cancer, all I could see was peace in the middle of the storm she was fighting. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it and I wanted God to help her. Also, she was so gracious, never expressing a complaint, but always worried about how I was doing. To see someone that young and yet so strong was a way the Lord was showing me His grace and love. The problem was my flesh could only cry out, “Please, you’ve got to help her!”

     Now let’s fast forward to her funeral. This is only the second funeral I had ever attended. I am only 22 years old and I am all torn up inside because I don’t have any hope of eternal life. The majority of people attending the funeral were from Barb and David’s church and I began to slowly notice something as the service went on. I noticed these people were sad for the loss, but they seem to have the same kind of peace that Barb had leading up to her passing. The topper to this whole thing is that my big brother just lost his beautiful wife at 26, now has a baby boy to raise and he stands up there to lead the service. Needless to say, the casket is only a few feet away from him and he has the same type of peace that I’m seeing all over the room. I am asking myself, “What the heck is going on here? Why am I in pieces and these Christians are not?”

     During the week following the funeral, my life was full of questions about what these Christians had and I didn’t. It was quite clear what the Lord had done in their lives and I needed that same peace in mine. I don’t entirely know what happened next, but I still had one of those tracts that David had given me over and over again to read and I had just thrown to the wayside because I wasn’t ready. Now, I was ready! On the back of the tract was the sinner’s prayer. Who would’ve imagined that when I accepted the Lord Jesus into my life that all these twists and turns, I had in my life would lead to me to a decision for Him? Praise the Lord! Now I have peace in my heart and eternal life. 

      Even forty years later, my brother, Bruce and I have a close relationship which is built primarily around being brothers in Christ. God does work all things together for the good.

-David Staggers                                                                                     -March 21, 2021